Quotes
- "The only dish you know comes with sausage and extra cheese." – "Gossip Boy"
- "That was pretty juicy. I'll give you a splart!" – "Gossip Boy"
- "It's The Deep Dish with Howard 'Double Dip' Weinerman! WHOOO!" – "Gossip Boy"
- "You know who the Ninja is?!" – "Gossip Boy"
- "How-ard! I knew you didn't know! Ugh..." – "Gossip Boy"
- "My guitar is missing! Has anyone seen it? It's light pink with dark pink skulls and a strap that says 'Heidi Wienerman' in hot pink letters." – "30 Seconds to Math"
- "Zombies are hot this year. They're everywhere. Literally, everywhere." – "Night of the Living McFizzles"
- "Will you butt-punchers keep it down? I'm trying to study for my driver's test!" – "Grave Puncher: The Movie!"
- "It's The Deep Dish with Howard 'Double Dip' Weinerman! WHOOO!" – "Grave Puncher: The Movie!"
- "Hey, peeps! It's your best BFF, Heidi! STATUS UPDATE! Due to the fact that my judges have decided to try out for the talent show instead of judging it like they promised…auditions are postponed indefinitely." – "So U Think U Can Stank"
- "If you wonk this up, I will webcast that video of you two taking a bath together." – "So U Think U Can Stank"
- "What up, P-diddlies? It's your BF on the beach, H-dub, comin' at you live from Lake LaRusso! Here's the lowdown on the lineup! Leading off on the tube run, it's Hank 'XJ' Peterson! Putting a beat-down on the buoys is Speedboat Sam Healy! Followed by Doug 'The Tug' Jaminski on the raging ramp! And anchoring the final sprint is our own....HOWARD WEINERMAN? ARE WE TRYING TO LOSE THIS ONE?" – "Wave Slayers"
- "NORRISVILLE WINS BY A NOSE! And my brother, Howard 'Fart Power' Weinerman, had nothing to do with it! Big shocker there." – "Wave Slayers"
- "But you look like MY MOM!" – "McFear Factor"
- "THAT'S A HONKIN' COMET!" - "Lucius O'Thunderpunch"
- (screaming) "I barely even know Andy!" – "Shloomp! There It Is!"
- "Please, Teasey-Feasey, you can't do this! We're total biffers!" (Ninja (appearing): "Smoke-bomb!") "Oh, Ninja! YOU GOTTA WASTE THIS CHICK!" – "Shloomp! There It Is!"
- "I guess Sandy's not such a bad guy after all." – "Shloomp! There It Is!"
- "I'm your host, heeyoo, Heidi Weinerman. With me, because my mom said I had to, is Howard." (Howard: "Double Dip!") "Nobody even remembers that!" - "Living in Shooblivion"